i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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