whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
