Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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