the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
