I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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