A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
