youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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