I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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