I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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