Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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