So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
