remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
