ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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