Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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