If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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