Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize