i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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