Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
