I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
