Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
