maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize