Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
