It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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