Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize