Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
