Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
