So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize