She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
