he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
