Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Randomize
