i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
