just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
