i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
