I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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