So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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