So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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