It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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