he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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