That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
