i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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