haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
