I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
