i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it penis luge time yet?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
