I wish my penis had an off switch
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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