i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
