tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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