He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
