Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
