she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Randomize