Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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