I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
