I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
