We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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