awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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