What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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