Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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