he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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