Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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