Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
