I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
