she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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