Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
