The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
