Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
