closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
