My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
