Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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