New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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