she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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