were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize