I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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