is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
