Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
