Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
