Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
