he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
