I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's like heaven, but drunker
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
