i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
