i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
