I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
