I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
