I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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