i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
