i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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