Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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