Her vagina should come with caution tape.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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