I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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