I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
