Jerry, you need to find god
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
