actually, I'm a sock model
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
