His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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