Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
