You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
