I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
