You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
