I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
