I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
