she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
