Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
