i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
