A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
