everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
