it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
