you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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