how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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