Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
