K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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