i already hear my dad disowning me
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
