I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
