Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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