Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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