Whod you bang
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize