It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Panties = found
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
